The Dishwasher Has No Correct Method, Only Treaties

There are two kinds of people: those who load the dishwasher, and those who wait until you leave the room and load it again.

We have watched this war from both sides. One partner sorts forks by species. The other drops things in from a slight height and calls it a system. Neither of them has ever read the manual, and yet both will cite it.

Our position is simple. There is no correct dishwasher method. There are only treaties.

How to draft yours

• Agree on the two things that actually matter, like whether bowls go up top and which way the knives point.
• Everything else goes under a clause called close enough.
• Whoever reloads it after someone else has loaded it unloads it later. Penalties keep the peace.

Where we will not compromise

The big spatula goes in the sink. It blocks the spray arm, it has always blocked the spray arm, and we are tired of pretending otherwise.

Marriages have survived worse. Yours will survive a bowl facing slightly the wrong way, provided you let it go and go read something nice. We suggest this complaint about group chats.